It's a struggle

I am not a stupid person.   I know exactly what I need to do to be healthy.  I know how to treat my body, what to eat and where to get it.  I research.  I follow.  I EAT.  then I fall.  It's a struggle.  I have days where I do so well.  In fact this lately was the longest stretch that I have been good to myself in a long long time.  But when I fell it was a long long long hard fall that spiraled because I allowed myself to do what other said I should do, what other people said I needed to do. I "carb loaded"  and I let it consume me to the deep deep darkness of sorrow , pain, guilt and frustration.  At first I stopped it, I ate well after it and then there was a cookie....then there were 12 cookies, then eating out, stress and emotional pain.  It is still there.  It lingers.  
It's ever easy.
This is hard. 
I'm drowning in carb and sugar addiction.